The Evolving Patronus
by avanns
Summary: It's been eighteen years since Lilian Lavender last spoke to Sirius Black. Now that she has been inducted into the Order of the Phoenix, not only will she have to come to terms with Voldemort's return, but also having to speak to the man who broke her heart many years ago.
1. Chapter 1

It had been exactly six days since she had gotten the owl from Albus Dumbledore. Upon the parchment scrawled neatly in emerald ink was the following:

_Miss Lavender,_

_I would be delighted if you could join me for tea on August the 6th at seven o'clock._

_Best Regards,_

_Albus Dumbledore_

The message had been a simple one but considering that Lilian hadn't been in contact with the Headmaster since her time at Hogwarts nearly eighteen years ago, it struck her as odd and she had a feeling that this meeting would not be pleasant one.

Indeed, she was right. While it surely was wonderful to see Albus after so many years, their exchange in pleasantries died away as quickly as they began. Before he even opened his mouth to speak further, she saw it in his eyes. She knew what he was going to say before he even spoke – she heard it whispered everywhere. At first Lilian did not want to believe it, but out of the mouth of Dumbledore, her worst fears came flooding back.

Voldemort was alive and gaining power.

As he explained everything to her – what Harry Potter had experienced, Voldemort's rebirth, and the Death Eaters – a vicious wave of fear, sorrow, and anger rose inside of her. Lilian hardly even noticed when the ginger snap she was holding crumbled to the floor in a heap of crumbs from the extreme amount of pressure she had been unconsciously exerting onto it.

After she recovered from the initial shock of the news, the purpose of their meeting now became clear to her. Albus Dumbledore needed her service and thus Lilian was called forth to join the Order of the Phoenix. After having experience horrifying things firsthand in the First Wizarding War, there was absolutely no way that she could refuse him. Memories of the War flashed before her eyes – her lime green Healer's robes soaked in a dying wizard's blood, a young witch screaming for her dead mother. These nightmarish memories were ones that she could never forget. She looked up at him, her voice slightly quavering but defiant, and accepted without hesitation.

But of course there was a little more, which he saved for last. The accused murderer, Sirius Black, was innocent and part of the Order. It felt as if her heart had sank into her stomach. She hadn't spoken to Sirius since she was in her Seventh Year at Hogwarts. Once close friends and lovers, she and Sirius had a falling out in their last year at Hogwarts. Doubling back to the greenhouse one sunny afternoon because she had left her Herbology book behind, Lilian had walked in on Sirius heatedly kissing another girl. She refused to speak with him from then on and had never forgiven him. Knowing that she would have to see him on a regular basis after eighteen years of attempting to forget it ever happened made her feel nauseous.

Now she knew why Albus had saved that part for last.

At the end of their meeting Albus informed her where the next meeting would take place – Number 12 Grimmauld Place, just three days from then. She solemnly thanked him and left.

She had only three days. Three days to think over everything that Albus had told her. Three days to come to terms with the fact that Voldemort was back and gaining power. Three days to prepare herself for seeing Sirius Black again.


	2. Chapter 2

_This was such a bad idea. Such a bad idea. I wonder if I can just turn around now. Oh, this is such a-_

Lilian Lavender's thoughts were cut off as the door to Number 12 Grimmauld Place swung open, revealing a smiling Molly Weasley.

"Oh, Lilian dear, please come in!" Molly exclaimed excitedly, ushering her over the threshold into an extremely damp and dark hallway. As soon as Molly shut the door behind her, she brought Lilian into a tight hug. "I haven't seen you in ages! What's it been, four or five years? Arthur is going to be so happy to see you! How's St. Mungo's, dear? Oh, never mind that now. Shall we have some tea first?"

"Er– yes please Molly, that would be wonderful," Lilian said. It was a rather chilly out for an August evening and Lilian welcomed the thought of a warm cup of earl gray. Molly beckoned her forward straight ahead and Lilian treaded carefully, as it was quite hard to see in the dark hallway. She eyed the outlines of odd sculptures and decorations on the walls – serpents, ornate candelabra, and… were those heads of house elves? Lilian didn't have time to glance back, as she and Molly went through the rickety door in front of them, revealing a large, dimly lit kitchen with a large table. Lilian let out a sigh of relief when she realized that the kitchen was empty, save for her and Molly.

_Maybe that means he isn't even here._

It looked as if this house hadn't been used for many years. Spider webs clung to the ceiling and green paint was chipping off the extremely dusty walls. The kitchen table and chairs looked so decrepit that Lilian thought they must be held together with some sort of spell. The sudden clink of China on the table made her look over and she spotted the glass of steaming tea Molly had made for her.

Lilian smiled. "Thank you, Molly," she said, walking over to the table and selecting a seat that faced the door. She winced as she sat down, hoping the creaking chair wouldn't break under her weight.

"So," Lilian said, smiling warmly. _I've got to pretend that I don't mind this at all. I'm not bothered that I'm going to see him tonight. Not at all._ "Whose place is this? It's quite… interesting. It looks as if it hasn't seen much in the past decade."

Molly looked up, waiting a moment to speak. "Ah, well," she began, her eyes darting away for a fraction of a second. She looked reluctant to answer. Lilian bit the inside of her lip. If that hadn't been an answer, she didn't know what was. "Well, er– this is Sirius's house, dear."

_I knew this was a bad idea._

It seemed as if Molly added 'dear' to the end to soften her answer. How Lilian felt about Sirius wasn't a secret. Before Lilian had a chance to respond, Molly hastily changed the subject.

"You've changed your hair since I saw you last. You're looking beautiful," Molly smiled softly, trying her best to look as if she never said Sirius' name.

Lilian smiled, the compliment Molly had given her driving thoughts of Sirius from her mind for the moment. "Thank you. You're very kind, Molly."

Though she was thirty-five years old, Lilian didn't look a day older than twenty-eight. Her young appearance came from her mother, Miranda Lavender. Up until the day she died, people mistook her for Lilian's older sister.

Lilian's eyes were large, almond shaped, and a color that closely resembled chestnut. Slightly frizzy from the rainy weather, her hair was healthy and full of soft curls that reached just above her elbows. For the moment her hair was white blonde and she had bewitched the ends to fade to baby pink, though she was known to change her hair color frequently. She stood at 5' 4" and had a slim but shapely figure on which she wore a simple, knee-length black dress that had collar lined with brown fur, and boots that reached just below her knees. Thick cherry-colored robes were draped over her narrow shoulders. If there was one defining feature she had received from her father, it was her pale skin. She refused to acknowledge this though, because she held a deep-seeded loathing for him. Lilian was considered pretty by many, but couldn't help thinking that maybe her legs were too lanky, or her ears too small.

"How's work at St. Mungo's?" Molly inquired, taking a sip of her still steaming tea. Her eyes twinkled, clearly thinking something humorous. "I heard about the poor old bloke that accidentally gave himself wings that sprouted out of his ears." She let out a laugh. "Arthur says that he shouldn't have been messi–" She was abruptly cut off by a nearby voice.

"Molly, do you know if we have any more Butterbeer?" shouted a voice in the hallway. A man burst through the kitchen door, a look of determination on his face. "I've just thought, how about we–" He stopped. Lilian looked up and it seemed as if time slowed to a halt.

She found herself staring into the gray eyes of Sirius Black.

Time in Azkaban had not been kind to Sirius. There was a permanent exhaustion in his eyes. With the light shining down on him from above, his skin looked pale, as if he hadn't seen sunlight in a very long time. The dark brown, shoulder length wavy hair that framed his lined face had streaks of shining gray throughout it, as did his goatee. He was smartly dressed in a worn black velvet jacket and dark purple collared shirt which was tucked into forest green pants. The thing that surprised Lilian the most was that even though he was much older and a bit more disheveled since the last time she had seen him, he was still quite handsome.

Lilian had only a moment to take in Sirius' appearance before she suddenly felt nauseous as a rush of memories came flooding to her mind. She saw a young Sirius laughing back at Hogwarts, a bright smile on his handsome face. He was giving her a large box of chocolate frogs while James Potter teased him about having a girlfriend. There she was walking with him to Charms, giggling at a joke he just told her. And there she was again, walking into the greenhouse, seeing him kissing that Gryffindor girl. Lilian hadn't dared think about these memories, but seeing those tired gray eyes had brought them all back. She suddenly felt very angry.

It hadn't occurred to her that at least a minute had gone by where she and Sirius stared at each other without saying a word. In her anger, she had reached into her pocket and gripped her wand tightly without even realizing it. When she realized she had done this, she tried to nonchalantly put her hand back onto the table. Sirius continued to stare at her. Lilian couldn't discern the look that was in his eyes. Molly opened her mouth to speak but Lilian spoke first.

"Well are you just going to stare at me like a prat or get on with what you were saying?" Lilian spat, venom dripping from every word. It was the first thing she said to him in eighteen years and she immediately regretted saying something so harsh, but was determined to not let it show. She sat up straight, staring resolutely at him. Sirius looked taken aback but quickly recovered.

"It's nice to see you as well, Lilian." he said slowly, seeming unsure of whether to take another step into the kitchen. Molly quickly sprang up, smoothing her skirt in a nervous fashion. She walked over to the counter.

"I'll just go ahead and make you a cup of tea as well, Sirius," she said calmly but there was a hint of panic in her voice. Sirius didn't speak but cautiously walked over to the table and took a seat opposite Lilian. "Oh, it looks like I'm out of tea. I'll just go upstairs and look for more!" Lilian looked to Molly as if begging her to stay but she avoided Lilian's eyes and bustled out of the room. Lilian thought she heard a sigh of relief from the hallway as she glanced over to the counter, where she could clearly see loose tea leaves peeking out from behind the teakettle.

A few moments of silence passed until Sirius turned to her and forced an awkward smile. "Well, er– it really is nice to see you. It's been a long time," he said, running a hand through his untidy graying hair. There was a hopeful look in his eyes. "You're looking wonderful."

Lilian shot him a warning look. "Look Sirius, I didn't come to make friends with you," she said stiffly, clenching her tea cup. "I'm here on Albus' request. I'm not interested in tying up loose ends."

"Lilian," Sirius began softly as Lilian gripped her tea cup tighter. When she didn't protest, he continued. "I've done a lot of thinking about what happened to us back at Hogwarts ever since Albus told me you were joining the Order. I've been hoping to apologi-"

"Didn't you hear what I just said?" Lilian asked, cutting him off. She caught Sirius' eye and felt her face flush with heat. He was half-smiling, his rough fingers interlocked on the table, looking oddly nonchalant. Lilian stared stupidly at him until she realized what she was doing. "I-'m not interested!" she said clumsily, getting up so suddenly that her chair almost fell to the floor. She caught it as it started to topple backwards but almost tripped herself in the process. Grabbing hold of the table, she steadied herself. Sirius let out a hearty laugh as her face turned a darker shade of pink.

"Watch yourself now," he said chuckling, watching her advancing towards the door. "Leaving when you just got here, then?"

Lilian bristled, snatched her robes up from around her feet and hurried towards the door. Another moment alone with Sirius and she would probably hex him out of spite. Just as she reached for the door it swung open, nearly smashing her straight in the nose. Luckily she was able to jump back just in time.

"What in Merlin's beard-" she exclaimed angrily, but as she realized who had entered the kitchen her anger evaporated. Remus Lupin was smiling broadly at her. Lilian let out a happy cry, flinging her arms around him. "Remus!" After exchanging a warm embrace, she stepped back and smiled brightly back at him. It had been at least a year since she had seen her old friend and he was certainly a welcome sight. He looked quite dapper even though his clothes were shabby and fraying at the hems. Sirius' smile faded when he saw how warmly she greeted Remus and a sour, displeased look replaced it.

"Lilian! I thought I heard you down here," Remus said, glancing over to a now moody Sirius then back at the still smiling witch. "It's great to see you. I see you two have uh– been talking."

"If you can even call it that," Sirius mumbled angrily, getting up from the table and stalking out of the kitchen, slamming the door loudly behind him. Remus frowned and looked over at Lilian who had a determined satisfaction in her eyes. He raised an eyebrow, staring at her. She had a triumphant smile on her face, looking as if she had just won the wizarding chess championships.

"You realize it's been eighteen years, don't you?" Remus said, eyeing her closely. Lilian pursed her lips at his comment but said nothing. Remus had never once mentioned Sirius during their entire post-Hogwarts friendship. "He's been worrying about what he was going to say to you all week. You ought to give him a break."

Her brown eyes flared with anger. She felt her heart start racing again, but she tried to calm herself. "Give him a _break_? Really, Remus? After what he did? I wouldn't give him _anything_, even for a thousand Galleons."

"If you just let him apologize-"

"Why in bloody hell would I do that Rem-"

"You didn't see how he was this week, Lilian. He was pretty upset about it-"

"I don't care whether he's upset! It's just blood ridicu-"

Once again the door opened and Lilian let out an annoyed, exasperated sigh at being cut off again. It was Molly, looking much less panicked than she had been earlier. If she realized they had been arguing, she showed no sign of it. "Come you two, the meetings nearly beginning! Lilian, you have a couple of new people to meet." Lilian shot a look at Remus, as if daring him to continue his protests. He kept quiet but looked unsatisfied. Lilian gave another triumphant smile and followed Molly out of the kitchen with Remus trailing after her.

After being introduced to the remaining Order members that she didn't already know, Lilian felt in a much better mood. Leading up to the meeting, she chatted with Tonks, desperately trying not to think of Sirius. When everyone began to seat themselves, Lilian found herself a seat which conveniently happened to be the furthest away from Sirius. The meeting lasted for about an hour and Lilian was filled in on everything that the Order had been doing since the beginning. She listened intently, palms sweating from her nerves. When the meeting was finally over she felt positively exhausted. There was so much that needed to happen in so little time… how were they ever going to succeed…

"Lilian, dear? Did you hear what I said?" Lilian looked up suddenly, just now realizing how absorbed she had been in her thoughts. Molly was looking at her questioningly from across the table. Most of the Order had left the room already. Lilian shook her head and Molly smiled softly. "Would you like to stay for dinner? We're having potato soup and sausage tonight."

Lilian hated turning Molly down but having dinner in the vicinity of Sirius Black sounded absolutely dreadful, especially after her first Order meeting. After saying goodbye to everyone (except Sirius, whom she ignored), Lilian apparated with a loud _crack_ back into her dark, cozy living parlor. Sighing heavily, she made her way into the bedroom, collapsing in exhaustion onto her bed. She closed her eyes and furrowed her brow in frustration. Not only was she furious about her situation with Sirius, but she was also fighting a foreboding sense of dread that threatened to overtake her. Voldemort really was back. There was a flurry of emotions inside of her and suddenly her bedroom felt very alone and dark. Pulling a crumpled blanket off the floor, Lilian threw it over herself and curled up underneath it, feeling positively miserable. It wasn't until very late into the night that she was finally able to drift off into a restless sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

For the next couple of days after her first meeting with Sirius and the Order, Lilian felt it was near impossible to concentrate at work. The previous afternoon, instead of ridding a befuddled witch of the dragon-like scales that had sprouted all over her arms, she instead multiplied them tenfold before apologizing and reversing the damage. Needless to say, she was elated at the prospect of having two full days away from St. Mungo's when she left work on Friday evening. As quickly as her excitement came, it faded when she remembered that her second meeting with the Order was the following afternoon. Not only was she dreading seeing Sirius again, but for Merlin-knows-what reason she had agreed to take part in the cleaning of the Order's headquarters after the meeting. On Wednesday when she had been out in Diagon Alley shopping for a couple of new quills and a winter cloak, Lilian had run into Molly, who was buying various potions for pest repellent. Lilian regretted inquiring what the potions were going to be used for, because ten minutes later she found herself begrudgingly agreeing to help clean upon Molly's insistence. She was already beginning to wonder what excuse she could use to get herself out of the promise she made.

_Maybe I could say that I don't feel well. No, she'll never fall for that. Hmm, how about... I've got a bad case of garden gnomes that I've got to take care of! No, that's a bloody stupid excuse if I've ever heard one._

When Lilian returned home that evening, the butterflies that were fluttering in her stomach only got worse. She was absolutely dreading the next day and couldn't seem to focus on anything else but Sirius. After dressing in nightclothes and throwing together a batch of pumpkin soup for dinner, Lilian picked a book at random from her bookshelf, which happened to be one of her favorites – _Magical Flowers & Shrubs For Your Garden_. She plopped onto her couch, determined to concentrate on anything else but her growing dread. For a while she tried to convince herself that she was reading, but after reading the same passage about beetle eating lilies fourteen times without taking in a word, she slammed the book shut and let out a loud groan.

"This is ridiculous. I'm going to bed," she spat in frustration to her empty parlor, as if she was expecting someone to protest. Throwing the book across the room, she stalked off to her bedroom and flopped herself face first onto her bed. Thoughts were racing through her mind so fast that she hardly even had time to make sense of them. Should she have given Sirius a chance to apologize? She could see Remus' face looking disapprovingly at her and he was babbling about how it had been such a long time and that she should just get over it. Shaking her head quickly to erase his image, she turned over and stared at the ceiling, sprawling herself out over the bed carelessly.

_No! Shut up, Remus! I'm not going to listen to anything that git has to say, s_he thought stubbornly, closing her eyes and extinguishing the light with a lazy swish of her wand. After a little while of lying there on her bed, her thoughts became sluggish and she began to drift off to sleep. _I dunno, maybe I should just forgive him... It's been eighteen years, just like Remus said. _Before she could protest to her own thoughts, Lilian slipped off into a deep sleep.

The next morning, a ray of sunshine peeking out from around the curtains awoke Lilian from her slumber. She felt far more rested than she had the past couple of days and after getting up to make breakfast, it was as if time was passing extremely fast. By the time she finished eating and cleaning up, there was only an hour until she was to meet at Grimmauld Place. When it was time to pick out her outfit for the day, Lilian found it extremely difficult and spent at least twenty minutes agonizing over it. She would never, not even for all the Galleons in the world, admit to herself that it had taken so long because of Sirius Black. In the end she settled on a pair of black pantyhose over which she wore a simple, navy blue knee-length skirt and a white fitted blouse. She braided her hair carefully, clipping a white daisy to the end of the braid, and fastened short black boots onto her feet. Around her shoulders she draped her new, heavy black winter cloak and when she was finally satisfied with her appearance, she grabbed her wand and stuffed it into the hidden pocket of her skirt. Drawing her curtains closed, Lilian apparated to the Order's headquarters.

Lilian arrived with a _crack_ in the dingy kitchen of Number 12 Grimmauld place, where Tonks and Remus were already sitting. The first thing she noticed upon arriving was that Sirius wasn't in the kitchen, and that brightened her mood considerably.

"Good afternoon!" Lilian said cheerfully, seemingly surprising Remus who was looking at her warily as if he expected her to stomp off at any moment. Lilian eyed him carefully, raising an eyebrow. "What are you looking at me like that for, Remus?"

Remus smiled, ignoring her question completely. There was an impish glint in his eye that made Lilian uneasy. "Afternoon, Lilian. You're looking chipper. Come across a couple hundred Galleons on the way here, did you?" he said, and Lilian snorted, rolling her eyes. Before Remus could get another word out, she turned away from him towards Tonks who already had a wide smile on her face and was beckoning Lilian to sit down.

"Your outfit is adorable, Lilian!" Tonks said as Lilian unfastened her cloak and threw it over the chair beside the door. "You know what? You've suddenly inspired me to make a change." A look of concentration filled Tonk's face as her hair faded from dark green to bubble-gum pink. Tonks laughed heartily as Lilian's face spread into a smile. Lilian glanced over at Remus, who was admiring Tonks in a dream-like state, a look of longing in his eyes.

"Tonks, it's perfect. I think Remus likes it," Lilian quipped with a devious smile. "In fact, I think he loves it." Remus snapped out of his daydream at the sound of his name and looked slightly embarrassed. Avoiding Tonk's glance, he looked over at Lilian, the same glint from earlier returning to his eyes.

"Oh, I certainly do," Remus said nonchalantly, a smirk spreading across his face. "And I'm sure Sirius will love your _adorable_ outfit as well." Lilian narrowed her eyes, giving Remus a piercing glare. He continued, still smirking. "You know, why don't we just go ask him what he thinks? He's right down the hall, I'm sure he's _dying _to talk to you."

"If you don't be quiet I'm going to hex your mouth shut," Lilian snapped and Remus snorted, trying with great difficultly to hold back a laugh. Remus had known her for so long that he knew exactly how to push her buttons. Thinking about that only made Lilian more annoyed (which was inevitably part of his plan anyway) and she sighed in exasperation, opening her mouth to snap back at Remus, but she was cut off by Tonks who stood up suddenly, looking a bit awkward.

"Why don't we head to the meeting? It's about to start, anyway," Tonks said, hastily pulling Remus up from his chair. Lilian turned on her heels and left the kitchen without another word, feeling positively cross. She walked briskly down the hall to the meeting room and turned the corner so fast that she slammed into someone who was entering the hallway from the door beside her. Lilian squealed in surprise as she toppled backwards into a heap on the floor with a loud thud. Looking up, she realized it was the last person in the world she wanted to run into – Sirius Black.

"Lilian, I'm so sorry, I wasn't looking where I was going," Sirius said hastily, holding out a hand to help her up. Lilian felt her face turn so hot that it most certainly had to be a deep shade of maroon. She completely ignored his gesture and stood up on her own (with some difficultly due to her skirt being tangled around her legs, which made her so embarrassed that she felt like melting through the floor), brushing the dust off her skirt and avoiding his eyes entirely. Sirius scoffed angrily and she could feel his gray eyes boring into the side of her face.

"You haven't changed at all, Lavender. Just as ridiculously stubborn as ever," he said coldly, striding off down the hallway, disappearing into the meeting room before Lilian could even get a word out. Lilian clenched her fists in frustration and stomped in after him, not even bothering to greet anyone on her way in. She crossed her arms and huffed angrily as she sank into a rickety wooden chair on the side of the room opposite Sirius. She refused to speak with anyone and even after the meeting ended (it was a rather short one this time, as Kingsley Shacklebolt only had a small report to give) she was reluctant to get up until Sirius had already left the room. She was hoping that she would be able to slip away before she ran into Molly, but sure enough, just as she was about to apparate, Molly strode over to her, looking extremely cheerful.

"Alright Lilian, let's get down to it. Thank you so much for agreeing to help clean up the place!" Molly exclaimed, clapping her hands together in excitement. "If we're going to use this place as a headquarters, we've got to get the place cleaned up, that's for sure!" Molly beckoned her to follow and Lilian reluctantly shuffled after her, still brooding over Sirius even though it had been at least thirty minutes since she had bumped into him. Molly lead her upstairs, down another damp hallway and into a dark room two doors down on the right. When they entered the room, Molly pulled open the curtains and the soft afternoon sun poured in as dust rained down on them, drifting lazily to the floor. It looked as if they were in some sort of tea-room, as there was a couch and a couple of chairs that circled a wide, round table where a tea set sat. There were several bookshelves and a glass cabinet, which were all covered in a thick layer of dust. The room had an old, musky smell.

"Right, well this room won't be so bad," she said, pointing towards a cluster of different shaped bottles on a table in the corner. "Those are your supplies. I bought some pretty potent grime remover, as the nasty stuff doesn't seem to want to come off. And watch out for that closet over there; Remus says there might be a boggart in there." She smiled, turning to leave the room. "If you need me, just give a shout! I'll be a couple of rooms down dealing with some doxies that have made a nest in the curtains."

When Molly left, Lilian turned to examine the room once more. After coming up with a couple more ridiculous plans she fleetingly thought might persuade Molly to let her leave, she resigned herself to clean as she had promised. Sighing with defeat, she picked up a rag and doused it in _Mrs. Pudgeworth's Grime-Be-Gone_ and got to scrubbing the windows. As she scrubbed, her mind wandered to Sirius' comment from earlier and she suddenly began scrubbing the windows with extreme vigor. At one point she was scrubbing the glass with such force that she was sure they were going to shatter.

Once the windows were clean to Lilian's satisfaction, she stepped back and surveyed her work. Though she had only finished cleaning a fraction of the room, she already felt exhausted from the angry enthusiasm with which she had worked. Sighing, she turned to grab another bottle of grime-be-gone, but gave a surprised squeak when she saw Sirius standing there, leaning against the doorframe, surveying her.

"What in Merlin's beard are you doing?" Lilian asked crossly. "You're going to give me a heart attack!"

"I thought you might want some help," Sirius said coolly, the corner of his mouth twitching as he strained to ignore her rude response. His eyes met hers and when he smiled, Lilian's face flushed. She hated to admit it, but he really was quite handsome, just as he had been in school. His gray eyes twinkled as he smiled, as if he could hear what she had thought. "How about it then?"

"No," she said firmly. "I'm pretty sure I can handle it myself."

"You sure about that, Lavender? You've barely made a dent in this room and you're already looking dreadful," he said, smirking playfully. As much as Lilian hated to admit it, he was right. She hadn't wanted to clean in the beginning and after her window-cleaning escapade, she was ready to call it a day. Under no circumstances would she tell him though. Instead she stood up taller and put on a determined face.

"I'm getting along just fine, thanks," she spat. "Will you just leave?"

"No, I won't. Besides, this is my house," he said, pushing himself off the doorframe. He grabbed a rag and a bottle and took a few steps to meet her. Lilian huffed angrily and crossed her arms, looking up at him. His smile was so big that he looked like he was going to burst into laughter at any moment. For a split second she could see a youthful Sirius smiling at her, but when she blinked next, the memory was gone.

"Fine then, I suppose you're right," she mumbled, snatching up a bottle of cleaning solution and rag from the nearby table. Walking over to a nearby glass cabinet, Lilian began wiping away the half-inch dust that sat on its surface. Behind her, she could hear Sirius beginning to scrub the coffee table. For a long while they cleaned in silence, until the sound of her rag scrubbing against the glass started ringing in her ears. Lilian had never felt more awkward in her entire life – she was part of a secret society where one of her first duties was to do chores in the presence of her former boyfriend and to make matters worse, they weren't even speaking. The silence was so thick that she almost felt as if she was drowning in it. In the absence of conversation, Lilian's thoughts sounded louder in her head. What was Sirius playing at by just sitting here cleaning with her? What could he possibly gain from this?

"I suppose you've come to apologize, then?" Lilian blurted out, trying to sound nonchalant though she felt rather stupid for saying anything at all. The sound of Sirius' rag moving across the coffee table didn't stop and he didn't skip a beat in his answer.

"Nope," he said, so matter-of-factly that she stopped wiping and turned towards him. When he realized she had done this, he looked up at her with interest, ceasing his cleaning. She stared at him with her mouth half open, feeling both confused and annoyed.

"What? Why not?" she asked stupidly, before she could stop herself. Sirius smiled, the same devious twinkle in his eye as earlier.

"So you want me to?" Sirius said, smiling.

Lilian looked away as she felt her face flush again. She had a feeling that she had just walked into his trap, as if he had been waiting for her to. "You're impossible. You haven't changed one bit." Even though she was visibly annoyed, he was still smiling. Lilian huffed angrily again. "Why are you even here anyway?"

Sirius stood up and surveyed her. Though Lilian tried, she couldn't discern the look that was in his gray eyes. It looked as if the gears in his mind were working in overdrive. For a moment she thought she saw a flash of pain but it was gone as fast as it came. His face suddenly cracked into a wider smile, though she wasn't entirely sure of its validity.

"You were a much better kisser than she was," Sirius said slyly in an almost playful tone, as if he were expecting Lilian to laugh. Instead he received the exact opposite reaction; Lilian now looked, and felt, enraged. When he realized this, his smile faded almost instantly.

"Was that supposed to be a joke?" Lilian asked through clenched teeth. Her piercing stare was fixed pointedly at Sirius, who now looked wary. Her heart was racing and felt as if water was boiling inside of her, threatening to tip over. When he didn't respond, she continued in a low, dangerous voice. "How dare you have the audacity to speak to me about kissing _her_!"

"I was just playing around, trying to lighten the mood a bit-"

"_Lighten the mood_?" Lilian shouted incredulously, spitting out the words with such force that Sirius looked taken aback. Her fists were clenched so hard that her knuckles were white and her whole body was trembling with rage. "Lighten the bloody mood!" A slightly mad sounding laugh erupted from Lilian's lips. "Do you think this is a joke, Sirius? Do you think I've forgotten how you betrayed my trust?"

"I haven't forgotten, Lilian," Sirius said pleadingly, taking a step towards her. "I've been trying to apologize but you haven't exactly been receptive to me. I know you're angry, but can we please just talk about thi-"

"Do you even know how badly you hurt me?" Lilian bellowed, cutting Sirius off. Words began spilling from her mouth that she hadn't ever spoken out loud to anyone. She couldn't admit these things to Sirius Black, but here she was in his house, telling him things she hardly dared admit to herself. She was so overcome with anger that she couldn't stop herself from yelling. There was only one other moment in her life where she had ever felt angrier than she did now.

"I'd been nothing but loyal to you, and you repay me by getting with another girl! I've spent the last eighteen years trying to convince myself into thinking you never meant anything to me. You were my best friend. I loved you, Sirius!" Lilian broke off at this, choking back a sob. She looked away, trying to blink back the tears that were forming in her eyes. Her last four words brought a silence in which both of them said nothing for a long time. Finally, Lilian looked back to Sirius. At that moment she realized how exhausted he looked. Her words had eaten away at the last of his playful demeanor. He no longer looked like the youthful, mischievous Sirius she had known in school. Standing before her was a man who had spent twelve long, agonizing years in Azkaban. He looked conflicted, as if stuck between wanting to yell back at her or comfort her.

"Is this how it's going to be between us from now on, then? Are we just going to fight, or are you going to give me a chance?" Sirius asked quietly.

"There is no _us_. There's me, and there's you. That's it," Lilian said, still trying to hold back her tears. What she said had clearly hit Sirius hard. His face twisted with something ugly that looked distinctly like sorrow and pain. He looked into her eyes and there was a pleading shadow there, as if he were asking her to take back what she said. Lilian looked away from him and said nothing, but for the second time since seeing Sirius again, she regretted saying something so harsh to him. Without another word, Sirius turned on his heels and stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind him so hard that Lilian wouldn't have been surprised if it had cracked down the middle. Dust rained down from the ceiling as silence filled the room – a silence so immense that Lilian could almost hear the blood flowing through her veins. It was so stifling that she couldn't stand to be in the house for a moment longer.

Lilian apparated back into her bedroom, reappearing at the edge of her bed. It was only early evening but with the curtains closed, her bedroom was masked in darkness. She stood completely still, hardly breathing. Sirius's pained expression still haunted her thoughts and she couldn't shake the awful feeling that her words had cut him deeper than any knife could. Her head was spinning; she felt nauseous. Looking down at her hands, Lilian realized that they were trembling horribly. Suddenly, she felt herself overcome with a sorrow that brought hot tears spilling down her cheeks and she crumpled to the floor in a disheveled mess, sobbing into her hands.

* * *

**Author's Notes**

Hi everyone! I hope you're enjoying the story so far. I want to take a moment to thank the people who have favorited and also thank the followers I currently have. I really appreciate your support! Also, I want to give a shout out to the three people who have left me reviews so far. Thank you for leaving nice comments, you guys are wonderful. Stay tuned for Chapter Four, and in the mean time feel free to read/subscribe/review! :)


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